i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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