Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
