Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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