it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
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