ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
