walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
