she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
