Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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