Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
