Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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