There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
