I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
