and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
