I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We're too hungover to prance.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
