dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
