My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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