I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
