the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
