where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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