Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I will pee on everything he values.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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