Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize