We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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