I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
