Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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