As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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