I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize