accomplished twins. life is a go
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
