You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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