the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
