worst night to have a conscience
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
