We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
