hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just googled if crying burns calories
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
