my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
