i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
