you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We got so high we made milksteak
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
