I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
