I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
