how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
