I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
