So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
