I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
