There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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