I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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