mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
look no pants
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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