we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize