I have demons in me.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
