Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
