my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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