Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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