I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
