Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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