You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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