Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
