Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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