Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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