When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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