Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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