Me too!
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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