sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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