I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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