Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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