both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have aggressive nipples.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize