i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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