I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
