I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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