She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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